I love this time of year!!!!

Well, it's September! My absolute favorite time of the year!! I can't decide if it's the cooler weather, the sights and smells of harvest time, or the beautiful colors of fall that I love most.
   I love this time of year!!! I love wearing warm sweaters, and cute boots and watching the tractors and combines in the fields.
   I love having a fire in our fire pit on a cool evening I love the smell of change in the air!
  I love trying to guess when the first snow will fall, and how long, our all too short fall, will last.
I love making pumpkin rolls and pumpkin cookies. I love all things pumpkin!!!!  I know for some it is a dreaded time of year.   I know many who dread the approach of winter, the long cold nights, the blowing cold wind, the snow. The very short days, with not much sunshine.
  But I love all seasons.  I love the change and the variety of all things.  For everything there is a season!
   If there is nothing I have learned in my 3 decades it is that there is a time and purpose for everything.  And we can spend all our timed energy complaining about it and dreading it and hoping it goes away.... Or we can just accept what is, and find the good, and beauty in all things and situations.  I will be the first to admit that I am not in any way, shape or form, the best at finding the good and beauty in all things.  I catch myself , far more often than I like , complaining.   But I constantly remind myself, there is a time and season for all things, there is reason and purpose in all situations, either  good, or bad. There is a lesson to be learned in all things.   But if we spend so much time dwelling on the things we dislike, we will never find the time or opportunity to learn , and grow, and find the purpose and meaning in our lives.  I am a firm believer in God!  I am a firm believer in life. I believe their is a plan for me. I believe that every heartache, and pain, and trial I have endured, has shaped me, and molded me, and prepared me for the next go round.  Have I always felt that way about my heartaches?  No.  I have spent many long tearful nights wishing and hoping and praying that I would not have to endure this trial. I have spent too many days being angry, and asking ,"why me?"  I have spent many days, even weeks ,and months dwelling on my lack, instead of my bounty.  And I would be lying if I said I don't have any more " whoa is me" moments. But they get fewer and farther between each day..   I have been able to stop, and turn around, and look back at my life, and my tough times, and my trials, and realize that those trials built me, they shaped me, they have helped me see beyond me, and see the need in others, and myself.   If I have learned nothing else I have learned this.  My Heavenly Father loves me! And he is aware of me, as an individual.  He has not forgotten or forsaken me!  We each endure, every day, some hardship, or struggle.  To each his own.  But the awesome amazing thing is, that as children of God, sometimes we are given our struggles so we can help others through their trials.    I have had the privilege to be associated with many amazing women who have lifted me, and strengthened me, through their examples of how they endured their own trials, and I hope and pray that by some small measure, I have been able to touch someone else's life for the better.
   I love this time of year!!  But then again, I have my reasons for loving every time of year!

Emotional Sunday

  So its the first Sunday my hunky husband has had to work the afternoon shift at work.
 And it has been a rough Sunday.
  You never realize how used to a certain routine you can get, and how lonely and unprepared you are when it changes.
  Or how unprepared you are to deal with an emotional outburst from a ten year old all by yourself!
 But she doesn't do well with routine changes either, so when dad leaves after the first hour of church and you know you wont see him till the next morning, I guess that's the signal to bring up all the hard emotional questions  that mom has a hard time responding too.
 The ride home from church was miserable, for both of us!
When she bursts into tears and tells you that all she really wants is a little sister, and it hurts when kids ask her why she doesn't have any siblings. Ya... its kinda rough.   Its a tender subject for all of us.  And you think that it only effects you.  But I was wrong, it effects every member of our family.
We all long for another member of our family.  And no matter what you try to do to fill that void, it never quite feels right.
  We even got a new puppy to try and keep her mind occupied, but to no avail.
 And its moments like the ride on the way home from church, that you realize you are still so unprepared to deal with your own emotions, let alone your child's aching heart.
 Its moments like this that you wonder, What am I going to say? How can I comfort her, when my heart is breaking, how can I keep it together when i just want to pull over and cry too?  Its moments like this that I am reminded why I was given such an amazing husband, he always had the answer, and the ability to console her, and comfort me at the same time, Even though I know his heart aches as much as ours!
  I know the answer, I know this is my trial to bear. I know this is a learning and growing experience for us.  I know it has taught me soo much,  I just hope I can convey that message to a ten year old with an broken heart.  I love her so much!! And I am soo grateful that my Heavenly Father gave her to us.  She is truly a gift.  Her name means gift from God!
And so after this rough day my new motto is..., I CAN do this!!!  And I know I can!!

Getting the upper hand!

It's been a while, a long while since I have posted. Not because I don't have anything to write, but probably because I let so much time pass, and I feel like I can never catch up on what has happened, and what I have learned.
   Time is a great teacher, and only time will tell how things are going.
Am I pregnant yet? No.  I am still on my forever quest, for the secret cure for PCOS.
 I do feel like I am getting closer, and I am getting things more under control.
Have things gotten easier? No.  between a knee surgery and a D&C , I am no stranger to a hospital this past year.  
   I have an amazing doctor that has helped me a ton, but I still feel so limited, and at times, so helpless. 
  I did discover the Paleo diet.  BEST diet ever for PCOS girls.  First diet I have ever been able to lose a significant amount of weight on and keep it off.
  I am officially an oiler, as they call us, I have found essential oils have helped a lot.
 And I am a huge fan of castor oil!!  If you want to know what any of those things can do for PCOS, just ask me, or Google, or Pinterest. 
  I have learned so much this past year, I love the opportunities I have had to help others through the knowledge I have gained.  Knowledge truly is power!!!    I want to hold the keys to my health, my happiness, and my future. 
 And so if I have to spend the rest of my life studying and learning, just to help one person, live a happier healthier life, I will do it. 
PCOS wont control my life forever. I wont let it.  I cant let it.
   I have the keys to help my self, now if only I can have the iron clad willpower to always follow through!!