Forgiveness

Forgiveness,  is a word that has been on my mind a lot lately.
 The relationships we form throughout our lives can be very different and varied.
Most of the relationships we form in our lives are by choice. There are only a few relationships that we don't get to choose,  those being the Mother who gave birth to us and our Father.
  I was blessed to be born into a family who loved me, and wanted me.
I have two parents whose life goal was to make their children feel loved and safe, and to keep them safe. I chose to form strong relationships with all of my siblings, whom I love very much. And I consider them some of my best friends.
   But I realize that not all children are born into a family like mine.  Not all children are loved, and sadly not all children are wanted.  That is a hard concept for me to understand. First off because I was blessed with an amazing family. And second, because I want soo badly to have more children to love.
  But I have met and formed close relationships with individuals who have never felt that love, or that safety, that a close family brings.
  And that brings me to forgiveness.  How do you become a functioning adult with good people skills and the ability to love and let others love you , and to trust others, when you have no idea what that feels like?  The key, I  have learned, is forgiveness.
  Forgiveness is a big word and it is a big process.  I have learned through experience that forgiveness doesn't happen overnight.  Forgiveness takes a lot of work, that is the reason it is easier to hold a grudge or be angry. Because yes, anger can be exhausting, but forgiveness is worse.
  I have unknowingly held to much anger inside and too many grudges.  And I didn't realize how they effected me till I made the conscious decision to let it go , and forgive.
 Forgiving, is not only healing to us as individuals, but also to those whom we forgive.
We all make mistakes, we are human, we screw up, we have faults and shortcomings, we are sometimes stupid and self centered. We sometimes believe that the world owes us.
  I am glad that in spite of my human tendencies, I can be forgiven, not only by those around me, but by the very God who created me.   I am sure we all look back at our pasts, and the thought that crosses many of our minds is, man was I stupid!.  But thankfully I believe in forgiveness.  I believe in letting past mistakes be past mistakes, looking forward and not behind.
 However  I wish I was as lenient on others as others are on me.
I realize that family is harder to forgive than friends.  I realize that as a sister or daughter, I am way more judgmental than I am as a friend.  I realize that I need to extend a whole lot more forgiveness to those I love most.  Because I know I would hate it if every time I was with family they dredged up every little past mistake I had ever made.   Forgiveness is a choice. And so, I choose to forgive!

Lessons re learned

Today has been... one of those days.   It's been one of those days that I have been on the verge of tears all day, for no apparent reason!  I believe it is called being female, or hormonal, or something along those lines.
But despite the "almost" tears, today has helped me relearn many important lessons about my self, and about others.  I have learned that one of Satan's greatest tools is discouragement. I have learned that looking beyond what is being said, to what they are really trying to say, is very important.  I have learned that forgiveness and understanding get you farther than impatience and anger.
And through all the lessons being re taught today, I relearned, or rather was reminded, of the love my Heavenly Father has for me.  I am thankful for the character traits, or gifts that he has blessed me with.
I am thankful for an earthly Father who showed and taught me great patience.  I am thankful for the lessons I have learned through the trials I have been given.  I am thankful for a loving Heavenly Father who gave me the choice to come here, and to choose my path.  I am grateful for a Savior who was willing to give his life for me, so that I could be with my Father again.  I am grateful for so many things.  I am grateful for the man I married, I am grateful that he loves me.  I am grateful that his weak moments, are at the times I feel the strongest, and I am grateful that my weak moments are when he feels strongest.  We are blessed to lift each other and put our lives into perspective.
 I have also been blessed with a wonderful mother, I feel ashamed of myself that it was so hard to write that last sentence, but she is a strong woman with a big heart, and she has taught me a lot.
I am ashamed to say I spend too much time dwelling on her imperfections, that I fail to appreciate the good things she has brought to my life.  I just hope that others are kinder towards my weaknesses than I have been towards hers.  I have come to realize that our Heavenly Father gave us the choice of the path we could follow, and some individuals chose a harder path so they could help others and become a better stronger person.  She is one of those people.   She was given a harder path to follow early in life, and has come out of those trials and hardships amazingly well.  I can't say I would have had the strength she did.  But I love her for all the good things about her.  I love that she is such a good grandmother, and she loves everyone.  She is a friend to the poor in spirit, and the poor in heart.  She is a great example of compassion, and love, and I love her for that. I have relearned to look at the true person and to find the good in others.    I have also relearned what awesome people my siblings are!! We grew up together, being very close .  We had so much fun with each other, and I miss them all terribly,  I love them all. And I am so proud of the people they have become.  I am also a firm believer that you are given people in your life to be your friend and confidant always, and that's what my siblings are to me!!!
 So that sums up my day of re learning.  And I know I will have to relearn these lessons over and over again throughout my life, but today has been an awesome day!  now I will go to bed, and maybe............cry!!!