Emotional Stages of Infertility

  So this is a post that i have thought alot about over the last few years. It is a subject that i don't quite feel like i am qualified to post about, except for the fact that i have experienced every aspect of it. and i have slowly drudged my way through it, and dealt with every stage personally, so this is purely my very own opinion, and my uneducated psychological evaluation, of the stages of emotional grief, that come with infertility! 
  I call it the stages of infertility

The first stage is denial. We all go through the stages where we believe the doctor is wrong, and that it will just take time and we will become pregnant eventually. it is our way of dealing with the pain, it is the easiest way we know how to cope.  We don't want to hurt, so we,deny! But most can't and won't stay in this stage forever.  So then comes the kicker.

  The second stage is anger.
 It is the most powerful of all stages and emotions, it is the stage that can consume and control your life if you let it, I know i did for two too many years. but anger is a natural emotion that everyone feels when they feel betrayed, or forgotten, we don't like to feel hopeless or forgotten so it is only natural to feel anger, for me it was anger at god for putting me through this, anger for making me feel this pain and this emptiness, anger for the hurt i felt every time i saw a new baby , or someone said the were pregnant, anger at my husband for not understanding my anger, anger at myself, for being broken. anger at not being able to live up to the life and plans i had made, anger for not being able to give my daughter a sibling. But mostly just anger at having to feel this pain, cause it hurt, more than i ever thought possible.   it was at this stage that i came to realize, i didn't like myself, i didn't like what and who i had become. I didn't  like the way my marriage was going. I didn't like that i had distanced myself from everyone and everything, because i didn't want to feel the pain that being close to someone could bring.   But sadly the worst part was that i had distanced myself from my heavenly father, because being close to him made me feel, and i didn't want to feel.  But being angry all the time and at everyone, takes so much effort, it is exhausting, i didn't have time or room for anyone or anything else because i was to busy being angry.


And then came the third stage, i call it bargaining, i bargained with the lord alot, to no avail, i told him i would do better, i would be better, i would do what ever he wanted, if he would just give me another child.  bargaining is our way of trying to regain control of the helplessness that we feel,


Then comes the fourth stage  it is a depressing stage , i no longer felt anger which i thought would be refreshing, but at this stage, i felt nothing, and that to me was worse than feeling anger, my mind withdrew all emotion, and for a while it was a relief, to so blissfully feel nothing, a friend said she was pregnant! nothing, no anger, no tears, i could like this, but then it scared me when i couldn't,t emotionally respond to a situation that desperately called for an emotional response.   To this day i fight daily to keep myself from slipping into this emotional nothingness, i am worth more than that, my family deserves better than that!

The fifth stage, it is the stage that i fought for,for 6 years, not everyone reaches this stage, i thank my Heavenly Father daily that i was able to reach this stage.  it i the stage of acceptance, it is truly the most bliss full of all stages, i accept the fact that i have these issues, i accept the fact that my life isn't playing out like i had planned, but you know what, maybe the path my life is taking is better than the path i had planned.  My Heavenly Father is aware of me, and my needs, and he loves me and wants me to be happy.  It is the stage where you quit fighting, and say your will lord, not mine!  It is the stage that you look back on the past years of this battle, and feel immense gratitude for the things you have learned, and the battles you have fought, and you look in the mirror and you see the person staring back at you is someone you never imagined you would see.  And you are stronger and better  for it.   reaching the stage of acceptance, does not mean you have given up hope, and it doesn't mean you don't feel sad or angry sometimes, and it doesn't mean you don't still long for a child. Your human, but you have come to accept that come whatever may come, you will live your life to it's fullest and love it!


So this is Amy's theory of the stages of infertility.  I felt all these emotions, i battled every day to get where i am at today, i have felt the pain and the anger and the helplessness and the nothingness, and finally the acceptance, wherever, you may be in your journey, please know that there is peace and happiness waiting for you, their is light at the end of the tunnel, don't give up, don't quit fighting, fight everyday for happiness, it is worth it, you are worth it,your family is worth it, but most importantly, you can't do it without our Heavenly father, and the love and support of your spouse. 

But happiness is always possible!