In Denial (Nov 2012)

 So I officially realized, I am in denial about the whole moving situation, the only thing I cant deny is the fact that my husband has already started his new job, and is therefore absent from our lives at this moment. So I sit here and in the back of my mind I pretend that he will walk through that door any moment and our lives will go back to normal, and I wont have to emotionally deal with the heartache of moving! So I just said everything I have been denying. And I cant seem to kick my butt in gear and get it all done and ready to go, because I am still in emotional shut down mode, as I like to call it!
I have emotionally trained myself to not feel or react emotionally to anything because it will hurt and be painful. So I subconsciously choose not to feel. I hate it when I get to this stage, I have been working so hard to get out of this mode, but today I don't have the drive, and it is driving me crazy!!!
I didn't realize I had slipped into this "mode" until about a year ago, and it really frustrated me.
I realize through this whole infertility process my mind had to find a way to cope, and so it resorted to this feeling nothing, but I have worked so hard and have been doing so good, until now.
So I start at square one, I force myself to go through the emotions of doing what I am supposed to do, and along the way, I will myself to feel the emotions I know I need more than anything to feel! And I hope and pray I can get through this move quickly and be back together as a family, cause when he is away, I am more lost than I thought possible!