So I did the lab tests the doctor ordered. I got up the courage and did them.
The doctor just called and gave me some of the results, and said we are
just waiting on the other tests and then we will move forward with the meds and
shots and everything else.
I am so excited but scared at the same time!
My baby will be eight in a few months, its been almost seven years of this
emotional roller coaster of infertility, and I am so scared to hope.
The
thoughts of everything working and going as planned, and me possibly being
pregnant by Halloween, My mind cannot comprehend that actually happening, I have
trained myself so well not to get excited or get my hopes up, but this is a real
possibility.
But I am scared it wont work, and I am scared of a
miscarriage, and I am scared of feeling the hope and then the loss.
I want
to be optimistic, I want to have faith, I want to hope, I want to feel joy over
this whole process.
I just have to retrain my mind to not be
pessimistic, but that would mean bringing my guard down, and opening up and
giving my heart the opportunity for more pain. Am I ready for this? I have
wanted this for almost seven years! And yet the thought scares me to no end.
Am I brave enough? Am I Strong enough? Can I do this? I hope so, but I
am scared!
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